I know you're my boss, but you're a total bitch

by BRITTNEY WENTWORTH, EXECUTIVE ASSISTANT/COORDINATOR/ASSOCIATE PRODUCER

Thanks a lot for taking the time to meet with me today. I have a few concerns that I want to talk to you about. I know it’s only been a few weeks of us working together but I noticed some major tension yesterday and I want to clear it up.

When you asked me to send a PA on a run to deliver those tapes to the network, I didn’t appreciate your tone AT ALL. I found it condescending and downright rude. I can’t exactly tell you why I think that. And I also feel like you’ve been that way with me in the past, but I can’t remember any examples of where or when or how. I just KNOW that it happened and I don’t like being spoken to in that manner.

I mean, I’ve had five assistant jobs in the last three years so I know. I mean, I know I invited you over for dinner at my house; asked you to help me with my writing and resume; and set me up with those informational interviews but make no mistake. We are acquaintances. We were never friends. Let me repeat that, we were never friends. Sending a package out is beneath me. I mean, I know this is an assistant job, but I’ve been a PA on a movie before. And I can really be an associate producer. And my friend is an actress who hangs out with celebrities so I know this business. I mean, I am 24 and I totally get it.

So I’ve made a decision to not work for you anymore because I think that’s best. And please don’t talk about this with anyone, because I know I won’t because I NEVER gossip. I mean, I have a lot of friends in the office and a lot of them come to ME with their gossip, and I know I used to tell you a lot of confidential things, like what all the executives made, but I would NEVER gossip. I’m totally trustworthy.

I really wish you the best of luck. I’m going to get an AP position next because I think I’m TOTALLY ready. And then I’m going over into scripted. It’s gonna be awesome and I’m so excited.

Thanks again for taking the time.

Luckily for you, I'm an AP who used to be an editor

by AMY VAN NEWSOME, ASSOCIATE PRODUCER

Oh, hi are you one of my editors? Hi, I'm Amy and I'm your producer. Well, technically associate producer. But I mean, po-tay-to, po-tah-to, right?

Anyhoo, it's really nice to meet you and I'm super excited to have you working for me. You're really going to like our workflow because I used to be an editor like you. You see, I owned my own wedding video business. So I know all the lingo and shorthand.

For instance, while another producer might say "Go forward to the part with the gobdeleegook" I can say, "Scroll forward and trim 2 frames." How convien! Oh that's short for convient, by the way. Sometimes I just don't have time for full words. I LOVE to abbrev!

So let me see what you have cut so far... Oh, this is good. Wow, nice L-cut! I'd like to see any other producer that knows what an L-cut is.

Oh, and I liked that part too! Let me just go back and look at that. By the way, I have to warn you, I'm a grabber! Sometimes I just like to grab the mouse and do it myself, because as an accomplished editor, it's usually faster if I just do it myself than if I explain it to you.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not looking down on editors. Like I said, I used to be one! It's just that I feel like I'm more suited to being in charge of the big picture. Which is why I jumped up to this AP position.

Why won't you open, bin? Hello binny binny binny! Why are you hiding?

Oh, I'm just talking to the computer. We all do that, don't we? Sometimes I'm just like "I'm gonna get you, whoa where do you think you're going?" when this darn computer doesn't want to cooperate!

Anyway, I've got to get back to surfing the net while you figure this mess out, but don't hesitate to call me if you need anything. But I'll be at lunch for the next two hours so call after that.