***108 Locked Cut Notes***
Great work on the Locked Cut. We really think all of the changes that we talked about helped solidify this episode. Thanks for doing such a great job with all our notes. It's perfect.
A few thoughts...
Overall, we're now worried that the story is a little depressing. I showed my wife the cut last night and she said she felt sad for the guy because he's in a wheelchair. I know we originally talked about the wheelchair angle, but now thinking it might be too much of a downer. Any way to cut around it? (we still have the black guy episode so we're covered from a diversity standpoint) Maybe closeups or low angle shots. Take a look. (we can still play him as paralyzed later obviously, I think it's just the wheelchair itself that's such a bummer to see)
Also, any way to mine for better comedy moments? Thinking maybe a laugh here or there would really go a long way. Go back and take another look at the raw footage and see if there's anything we're missing. While you're looking, just keep an eye out for any other great moments we might have missed in general. We always like as many great moments as possible!!!
About 8 minutes in Tim says "I can't wait to show it to you guys." Doesn't seem like something he'd say. Does he ever say "ya'll"? Would be nice to give it more southern flavor -- really play the cowboy angle -- since he lives in Texas.
Also I know we asked for more country flavor with the music, but personally country music just kills me and I now HATE the music in this episode. Any way to still give it a country feel without using actual country music?
BTW, had a marketing meeting this morning and feeling on our end is that Joe Sixpack in Kansas might react negatively to the fact that Tim is divorced with kids. Any way to cheat his new girlfiend as his wife? Maybe you can frankenbite something and just lower-third her as his wife. She doesn't have to be in there a lot, but just enough so we get that he's a family guy.
Love the new build up to the skydiving, but any way to amp the danger up a bit more? The safety briefing scene almost makes it seem too squared away. Does anyone ever mention how a parachute hasn't opened before or how he has a greater risk of dying because of being paralyzed? Obviously we don't want him to get hurt in the end, but always nice to add a sense of risk. If we don't have that, can we just ADR it?
Our tech people need the show by Monday in order to prep it for air Wednesday. How long will these changes take? Would love if you could online/FedEx tomorrow.
Feel free to call with questions. I will be skiing this weekend, but my assistant can help you with anything you need. I think we're getting really close...
RD
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